So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
