Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
