Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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