My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
