Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
