new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Are my feet made of real feet?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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