im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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