He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
