i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
