The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
