It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
