i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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