like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
