he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
