Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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