I met the friendliest cop last night
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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