my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
it's great music for shaving your balls
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
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