uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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