I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
