I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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