Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
