I can text with my tongue
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
