one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
