kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
