I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
