My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
