the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
