I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
