you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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