Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
