that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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