I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize