the new term for farting is butt boxing.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
