i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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