Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
