Taylor Swift is so right about you.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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