i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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