Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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