you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
