Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
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