I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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