Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Who died my cat blue again?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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