Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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