Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
