My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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