terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize