i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
