he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
