Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
