I cockslap morals
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
