If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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