The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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