i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
