I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
