erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
