I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize