we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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