i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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