i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
accomplished twins. life is a go
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
