Sry I called you an 8
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
