i need an iv and a liver transplant
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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