ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
