she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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