Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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