It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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