remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
