she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize