apparently the secret to your success is patron
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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