Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
4 words: hood of his car
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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