I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize